Appropriate Boundaries Foster Happy Relationships
Posted: Monday, January 19, 2009
by Muriel Gui
Appropriate boundaries improve any relationship and allow work relationships, friendships and marriages to flourish within well-defined guidelines that offer security and foster trust. Alternatively, poorly defined boundaries, or a complete lack of boundaries, will undoubtedly lead to troubled relationships and marital discord. Fortifying and protecting the boundaries both of the marriage itself and of the partners in the marriage is of utmost importance to the overall success, health and happiness of the couple.
Issues will arise in the marriage if one or both of the partners lack appropriate boundaries, or if the people who are involved in their lives do not respect the marriage's boundaries. It is the responsibility of the partners to ensure that their marriage remains intact and intimate by enforcing proper boundaries with each other, as well as other people in their lives.
There are numerous boundaries that help to preserve the sanctity and intimacy of a healthy, strong marriage. It is essential that both partners agree upon and respect these boundaries. Some boundaries, like keeping your partner's confidences, may seem to go without saying, but all too often one or both partners can breech this boundary by sharing information that may or may not seem trivial - with friends or acquaintances. Perhaps it's a simple tidbit that would make a good, funny story or something more overwhelming that you wish to talk over with a trusted friend, but if your partner gave you the information in confidence, then it is your duty as a partner in the marriage to keep the information between the two of you. The mutual understanding that private matters will remain private is essential to the trust necessary to maintain a healthy, intimate marriage.
Another private matter that should never be broached in conversation outside of the marriage is your sexual relationship. Your sex life and all of the details involved should remain between you and your partner. Discussing your sexual relationship with others destroys the intimacy of your marriage and takes away from the closeness and trust you share with your partner. The only instance in which your sex life should be discussed with someone outside of the marriage is if both of you agree to speak to a professional regarding a sexual issue that needs to be addressed. Aside from speaking to a professional when necessary, respecting this boundary is essential to the intimacy of your marriage.
When one or both partners feel the need to complain about their partner to relatives or friends there is the potential for boundaries to be broken. While there may be some instances where legitimate complaints arise, partners will best serve their marriage by preserving their boundaries and avoiding discussions with other people about their partner's faults or behavior. Reporting issues to friends or family members can cause an awkward or deteriorated relationship between them and your partner, and can destabilize your partnership.
The same goes for discussing disagreements between you and your partner with relatives or friends outside of the relationship. Whether you are attempting to get mutual friends to take sides, or just want to get an outside opinion on the issue, discussing private disagreements publicly violates the boundaries that are necessary for a healthy, strong marriage.
Sometimes boundaries are breached by relatives or friends who don ' t respect the boundaries necessary for a healthy marriage. Examples of this include relatives that try to solicit private information, parents who attempt to be overly involved in your relationship, or friends who believe it is okay to call or show up at your home at any time. These violations must be addressed immediately by presenting a united front and insisting that the intrusive relative or friend respect your marriage ' s boundaries.
While the above are boundary issues that may come up outside of the marriage, there are also important boundaries that must be maintained within the marriage as well. When a couple marries and chooses to build a life together, they do not lose their individual selves and retain the right to have personal space and privacy. If one or both partners violate individual boundaries within the relationship, it is detrimental to the marriage, as well as to the well-being of the each partner. It is imperative that each partner be acknowledged as an individual and that neither partner invades the other's privacy due to lack of trust or a need for power and control. These are destructive behaviors and if these issues arise, they must be addressed immediately for the sake of the marriage and each of the partners.
Another issue that may come up between you and your partner is that you might find you have differing views on some boundaries. For example, you may think it is perfectly acceptable to have close friends of the opposite sex, while your partner might strongly oppose this idea. Or, your partner might not be concerned about a friend who calls in the middle of the night, but this may be a significant issue for you. Differing views on some boundary issues will most assuredly come up in your relationship, the key is to discuss boundary issues as soon as you become aware of them and determine how best to resolve them before they grow into larger conflicts.
Being open and honest about your needs and respecting those of your partner is essential to establishing appropriate boundaries that will fortify your relationship. Work together to determine the proper boundaries that work for you, and you and your partner will enjoy a healthier, stronger, happier marriage.
http://relationship-tour.com
This Article has been viewed 1,531 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
No comments yet.We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.