Stay Focused and Fulfill Your Wants with Six Easy Steps
Posted: Thursday, January 22, 2009
by Muriel Gui
In our busy, appointment-packed lives it is sometimes easy to let what we really want, both as an individual and as a couple, get lost somewhere in between taking the children to school, meeting deadlines at work, fulfilling social obligations, going to the dentist, creating meaningful activities for family time and taking out the garbage.
It's never too late to take a step back and review your life up until now. By reflecting on what has worked well, and what hasn't, you can reorganize and reprioritize your efforts and open the door for shedding your old ways and embracing new thoughts, ideas and habits. One tool to use when looking back on the wants you've lost along the way is my first argument theory. That first argument gives each of you valuable information about what is important to the other within your relationship. If those needs remain unmet, it makes it considerably harder to focus on your initial wants for the relationship.
Use the first argument theory as a tool and look back to the beginning of your relationship to recollect the wants, hopes and dreams that you had at that time. Did your first argument and the many that have followed, which are simply different manifestations of that first argument make you start to question whether those wants, hopes and dreams were even a possibility? Once you have acknowledged these initial wants, consider how they have changed or evolved. Do you still want the same things? Are you so full of doubt at this point that you don't even think they are possible? Clarify your past and present wants, both as individuals and as a couple, in order to help you determine what each of you want for and from the relationship. Embrace your first argument (and the ones that have followed) as helpful tools that can assist you in clearly seeing your wants and needs and help you to prioritize their importance.
Staying focused on your wants, dreams and goals takes some effort on your part. There are a multitude of responsibilities and tasks trying to pull you in different directions every day and it is easy to shift priorities away from the things we really want. You must make a real effort to recognize and work towards your wants in order for you to ever obtain them.
Staying focused on what each of you wants is an important factor in achieving true happiness as a couple. Following these six easy steps will help you and your partner stay focused on what you want from your relationship and from your life together.
- List the things you want individually and in your relationship.
- Compare this list to what you wanted at your relationship's start. .
- Determine which obstacles or unresolved issues are blocking you from fulfilling these wants and dreams.
- List the unresolved issues (which can be personal or a part of your relationship). Consider each issue and determine which you wish to resolve and which are no longer important and should be let go.
- List ways to resolve each issue that you wish to resolve and make small, attainable goals to work towards resolution. .
- Motivate yourself to make these changes through self-imposed deadlines. After each small goal listed under #5, set a date that will function as a guideline for when you would like to achieve that goal .
As you work through your list of goals towards finding resolution for unresolved issues, continue to refer to your list in order to keep yourself motivated and focused on removing obstacles in your path to fulfilling your wants and dreams. Remember that, if left unattended, your wants will once again fall to the wayside as the daily demands of life overwhelm you and fill your schedule.
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